Screenplays

A lyrical 30-minute TV comedy drama in the style of The Durrells or Detectorists.

Logline: Tim sheds his old corporate life to help turn gardens into habitats for wildlife and finds love and a mystery along the way.

Synopsis: Worms have more purpose than Tim, and a better love life. They break waste down into rich fertile soil; Tim just makes the rich richer. Worms copulate for three hours at a time whereas the closest thing Tim has to love is his lesbian ex-wife Jo. Salvation comes from Jo’s flaky niece Charlotte, who asks him three questions: What does the world need? What are you good at? What gives you joy? The answer is clear. He sheds his old life to become Habitat Man, giving advice on how to turn gardens into habitats for wildlife. Each new garden offers unique challenges, from Dawn the poly amorist who wants hedgehogs (and Tim) to the Wizard of Woolston wanting a habitat for bats and frogs. But the biggest challenge is Tim’s first client, the lovely Lori. Tim is smitten, but first he has to win round Ethan, her teenage son. She also presents competition, as she’s just set up as a feng shui gardener. Then Tim digs up more than he bargained for, and uncovers a skeleton, one that threatens to bring out the skeletons in his cupboard too. Only Jo knows his secret, but can he trust her?

Season 1: Story Lines
• Romance between Lori and Tim. Winning over Ethan. Mysterious ex-husband.
• Tension between Lori as a competitor and Lori as love interest.
• The mystery of the body in the garden. Was it a natural death, assisted suicide or murder?
• Jo’s quest for fame for her viral cookery challenge. Is Jo a true friend or exploiting Tim?
• Tim coming to terms with his past and finding his long-lost not-quite son.

• Season 2/3: Story Lines
• Tim is delighted when he sees graffiti ‘Habitat Man Rules’ but then terrified when he sees ‘Rules’ crossed out and ‘Die’ written over it. Blobs of paint drip off the final ‘e’, looking like blood. Then he sees it everywhere and on social media. Who is behind #HabitatManDie?
• Tim gets involved with a group of middle-aged lady self-sufficiency ‘preppers’.
• Jo expands her brand of insect-based snacks and falls for Karen, who is setting up a Library of Things.

WARNING: SPOILERS!

At the heart of the story are Robert and Mary, a married couple trying to find their way back to each other, just as humanity is trying to find its way back to nature.

Robert is Director of Public Prosecutions. He represents law and order and the status quo. His job is requiring him to make decisions that go against what feels instinctively right, making him unpopular with both the public and his family. He just wants to retire early with his integrity intact and mend his relationship with his wife and daughter.

His wife, Mary is increasingly attracted to the wildlife gardener, and all he represents. She’s learned to see her backyard in a whole new way. She sees the bigger picture and wants a future safe for grandchildren. She may not get any because their daughter’s biological clock is ticking but she’s too scared of the climate crisis to have children.

The antagonist is Prime Minister, Leo Clifford, a narcissistic womaniser who rose to power by spreading misinformation about climate policies. The connections between them go back further than any of them realise.

In the pilot, Robert is confronted with a series of dilemmas. He’d love to prosecute Leo Clifford for spreading misinformation about climate policies, but the evidence wouldn’t stick. Clifford implemented harsh new laws meaning automatic jail time for protestors, so Robert really doesn’t want to prosecute an 82-year-old environmental protestor, but he has no choice.

In his final case, a murder in a citizens’ assembly on climate solutions forces him to choose between his family, the law and the future of the planet.

In season one, Mary and Robert grow closer as they mount a private investigation into the murder. Leo Clifford is found near death following a presumed car accident. Robert is devastated to learn that Mary knew Leo better than she’d let on. She’d been an intern for him while on a student placement. He’d raped her, resulting in an abortion.

Murders mount up. They discover a list of climate villains targeted for assassination. Leo Clifford was on it. In a season finale twist, Robert discovers he is next on the list.

A race begins to find the assassin before he himself is killed. It turns out to be the granddaughter of the old protestor. He’d died in jail and she’d vowed vengeance on those who put him there. She wants action not words. Mary realises that the only way to save Robert is for her to kill Leo herself. Robert then faces his final dilemma- whether to lie under oath or turn Mary in.

Brief outline of season 1: This is three stories woven together: the story of the Cuban revolution, the true (ish) story of the making of the musical ‘Fidel’, but mainly the story of 21st century life seen both through the eyes of Fidel Castro (magically present as a 40 something revolutionary in 21st century UK) and through the eyes of GG: mother, colleague, aspiring composer, sister and also single woman thrust as an innocent into the bizarre world of online dating. While GG struggles with the emotional challenges of 21st century life, the key theme of how to survive the 21st century is played out in the secondary character Mel who is a sustainability lecturer and prepper, convinced the end of the world as we know it is nigh. The character of Fidel introduces us to Cuban solutions which enabled Cuba to survive on minimal resources and values of solidarity. Despite the themes of anxiety and loneliness, the tone is upbeat.

In following seasons, there are a series of crises that throw the community of characters into jeopardy and the community must learn skills to survive and thrive in a new world. Each season brings back a different historical character to assist.

SEASON 1: STORY LINES AND CHARACTERS

PLOT A: GG is around 40 and we meet her as she is lonely, having suffered the death of both her parents, splitting up with her long-time boyfriend and her son having left home. She is pathologically empathetic to the sufferings of others and her musical tastes reflect her tendency to wallow in misery. Although she is passionate about music and a musical lecturer, her last musical was a disaster – but this has not affected her dream to write a West End musical. On a visit to Cuba, she is inspired by the spirit of solidarity, community and tales of Fidel Castro to write a musical about Fidel. Rumours that Fidel is immortal seem to be borne out when he appears to GG after his death to help her write the musical ‘Fidel’. His aim is to tell his story and the story of Cuba from the Cuban perspective. The key hook throughout is whether GG is mad or is being haunted.

Casting suggestions for GG: Billie Piper, Sally Hawkins, Romola Garai (the Hour, Emma), Louise Brealey (Molly Hooper in Sherlock). A reader suggested Miranda Hart – it didn’t appeal as it makes the romantic angle less credible, but when I re-read it, I saw immediately the character has Miranda-ish elements in her authenticity and inability to hide her feelings.

For Fidel I’d love Javier Bardem or Jaime Camil.

PLOT B: Mike is GG’s brother, he is a marketing executive and he is married to GG’s colleague Mel who is a professor in sustainability. Mel has just kicked Mike out for sleeping with a colleague at a conference, and also because she despises his job which encourages consumption, which she believes is destroying the planet. Mel has nightmares that the ‘end of the world as we know it’ is nigh, and gets increasingly panicked about ensuring she is prepared and can keep her family safe. Mike is devastated to lose Mel and tries to woo her back with survivalist skills, archery certificates and hydroponic cucumbers, but it is not until he turns his marketing skills to good that he finally wins her back.

Mel is sardonic and more hard edged than GG: Sandra Horgan or Zawe Ashton?

Mike: Russell Tovey, Lee Ingleby, Will Mellor.

PLOT C: Charles is GG’s romantic interest. He is nerdy, a Tory and a re-enactor, yet despite their differences they are thrown together and discover a deep connection. Charles proves his worth, but suspicions arise when GG suspects he isn’t all he appears to be.

My first choice would be Matt Smith.

PLOT D: Sue is GG’s nemesis – another music lecturer, but more successful, manipulative, charming and hypocritical. GG’s friends and family like her and worst of all, prefer her music. Due to a misunderstanding, Sue is also writing a musical about Cuba, and each episode shows a reversal of fortune as first one then the other attains the upper hand. Finally, Sue gets GG sectioned under the mental health act as clips showing GG being possessed by Fidel Castro go viral. But GG gets out on the ‘Santa defence’ from Miracle on 34th Street, on the basis that one cannot say GG is mad just because she claims to be haunted by Fidel.

My casting choice for Sue would be Sally Phillips or Sandra Oh.

Maxwell and Jane met on a biological field trip in Papua New Guinea. They fell in love. Now its 20 years later, they argue constantly, they have a daughter who can’t wait to leave home, and they’re facing the unwelcome prospect of being alone together. Jane’s resentment at her career not going here she wanted it to, partly due to motherhood, turns her bitter, passive- aggressive and underhand. The deference Maxwell receives as a professor has turned him into an arrogant git. Their marriage is falling apart and the only thing they agree on is that it’s all the other person’s fault.

Things come to a head when Maxwell’s research to clone a chimp is turned down. He believes his wife, who is on the wellbeing committee spoke against his proposal only to spite him. An argument culminates in a bet being made that the other one cannot live with themselves for a month. Maxwell and Jane illegally decide to clone themselves, to prove the other is impossible to live with.

Maxwell goes first but the moment his clone is created they have a problem – Maxwell and his clone are both positive that they are the original and the other is the clone.

To avoid this problem, when Jane gets cloned she finds a way to be clear who is the original – this gives rise to a different problem – from the very start Jane’s clone complains of being seen as a 2nd class citizen.

Maxwell and Maxwell make efforts to get on and work things out to accommodate two people, but it quickly goes wrong. They both want same chair, both want to drive, both need to have the last word, both want to work. Things get ugly very quickly. They get caught out both being at work, and say they are twins. They end up being chased in car by nature/nurture researchers. One ends up in hospital and he has to give blood/kidney to his clone, then both at home recovering. Maxwell’s story comes to a head when he tries to punch his own reflection thinking it’s the clone.

Jane’s trajectory is different. Her clone’s complaints of being seen as a second-class citizen sound very much like Jane’s complaints about being held back as a woman. Her clone is passive aggressive towards her in the same way she was towards Maxwell. Jane’s clone starts to undermine Jane whenever she can. They both sulk, clone isn’t happy with anything Jane offers, as she feels patronised and treated as a charity. The clone undermines Jane by putting pictures up of herself on social media when she is looking less than perfect. Jane – usually meticulous in appearance – is furious when her clone stops using hair remover and allows a faint moustache to grow in the name of female empowerment. Jane’s story comes a head when she thinks about poisoning her clone, but just as the thought occurs to her, her clone sweetly offers her a cup of tea…

Maxwell realising he is impossible to live with rushes to see Jane, but finds her in bed with his clone – who clearly had had the same idea. There is a fight, but Jane’s clone stops it, and takes him away. They get on well – remember early days.

Clones start to die due to problem in research. Maxwell is prepared to save Jane’s clone, but wants to let his clone die. Jane persuades him to save both clones. This shows she still loves Maxwell, and despite her loathing of her clone does not want to be party to murder. So she is actually more ethical than Maxwell, although she’s had to realise that her ethics have also been compromised by underhand motives. They both start to appreciate the best in the other person, and also that technology and ethics need each other. They work together to save their clones.

Clones get saved, but now what to do with them? Their other halves aren’t eligible for a carbon allowance making thing very tight indeed.

Daughter gives birth. Decide that originals will return to Papua New Guinea and clones will look after things at home for a while.

Cut to 10 years later and they are arguing again – he says that he gets on fine with his clone now, so don’t tell him he can’t live with himself. She says yes that’s because you’re a sexist, if you had to live with yourself as a woman, that would be a different matter…. (sequel opportunity!)

This takes off, as many people had become uncomfortable with the waste and expense associated with Christmas. Businesses at first resist then lean into it – with increasing rates of returns, many barely make any profit on new sales anyway. Mother Care returns as Mother Share, John Lewis’s Christmas advert promotes membership to the fashion, sport and games departments as the ideal Christmas present, where items are borrowed and returned turning department stories into libraries. Schools get involved, teaching skills of repair, crafts and needlework to enable them to restore goods to pristine condition, giving status ways to succeed to some who struggled with academic subjects.

Christmas the following year is transformed. This is a heart-warming tale, showing the true meaning of Christmas as love and care – not just for ourselves but for the planet.

This story takes place as we enter the final decade of the last century. The all-out pursuit of money in the Thatcher years had created its own underclass. It was declared that there was no such thing as society, and those left behind in the mass pursuit of wealth were despised. Among the underclass were the most despised group of all, the single mothers. Single mothers scrounging off the dole were held responsible for rising crime, for the drug problem, the balance of payments deficit, for cutbacks, for the extinction of the red squirrel and for wasps. Mobile phones were the size of bricks and owned by yuppies, who shouted into them on street corners, the internet was just coming into being, ‘Girl power’ had not yet been invented and sex shops cringed in the back streets of Soho populated purely by men in dirty macs.

This is a story of three women who changed all that